


Oh sweet lover, I got lost

by kalika_999



Series: Stucky AU One Shots [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cabins, Domestic, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Returning Home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 21:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14530005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalika_999/pseuds/kalika_999
Summary: "Move your big dumb frame from there at least.  Leavin’ me to dole out this meal.”“I asked if you wanted help.” Steve points out but approaches and picks up the tray to take to the table.  “Besides, I’m a guest.  You’re a lousy host.”Bucky snorts a laugh as he follows after him.  “You’re not a guest, you’re a nuisance.”





	Oh sweet lover, I got lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rancid_Rat6186](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rancid_Rat6186/gifts).



> For Meg. There are numerous reasons this is for you but here, I'm going to say just because I wanted to. <3

Steve shows up at Bucky’s front door in the middle of ‘Nowhere, Canada’ at his modest cabin a mere week after he’s heard on the radio about aliens attacking and the Avengers taking care of it in one fail swoop. He has a special phone just in case they need his help but this time around they let him have his peace under the pine and surrounded by the grip of Winter and the soft crackle of flames.

Bucky himself had just come back a couple days prior but he was only hunting, replenishing stocks of dry goods and meat and despite it not being a very rare thing, he is a little surprised at his best friend's arrival. Especially when he knocks.

The radio had said the invasion wasn’t much of one, that the Avengers had it under control. Out of anyone, Bucky knew the statements made by the press may be falsified but he had gotten used to hearing their assessments to Steve’s arrivals. Easy fights meant Steve would not be showing up, bad ones may mean he would have a roommate for months if evil let him have a break.

But there he was, standing on his mangy snow soaked front mat, a large suitcase at his feet and a tired weary expression across his face that said there was a lot more going on than a cut and dry mission.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Bucky jokes dryly, holding a mug in hand, “in the middle of nowhere.”

Steve’s eyes dim a little and Bucky can see the flash of panic in them. He pulls him inside before he can turn around back into the whiteout of snow, trees and fog, dropping in from God knows where. He gets the door secured before he bends down and gets his bag, hefty and over-packed which told him Steve was here for a long spell, especially with his shield packed in a circular case at his back. He sets the case towards the tiny hall that held the bathroom and spare room. 

Nanook comes down the narrow stairs from the loft, heterochromic eyes peering his way before approaching Steve with as much giddy excitement as a Malamute can muster which is a lot, standing on back legs as he attempts to lick Steve’s face off, powerful body almost tilting his friend off balance.

“Nanook.” Bucky lets out tersely and his dog drops down, sitting before Steve and trying to be good despite tail deceiving him.

Steve smiles, passing a hand between his furry ears, “I still can’t believe you called him after a dog in an 80’s movie.” 

“It’s a good fucking movie, give me a break. I know you love it too, so you can haul your spangly ass outta here if you’re gonna start that argument with me again. I was just about to serve myself dinner, hungry?” 

Steve glances up, soft blues warm now that they’re talking, “Starving. Need help?” 

“It’s stew.” He moves to get past him, arm nudging towards the room with a wry smile, “I needed help a few hours ago, too late on the drop in.” 

Bucky busies himself in the kitchen while Steve takes his overstuffed suitcase into the spare room that’s pretty much his space anyway, packed up canvas' and paints in the bureau, books and old worn sketchbooks in a pile collecting thin layers of dust. Steve changes to something more comfortable and then blatantly does a security sweep in all the areas of the cabin for his peace of mind despite knowing Bucky does it himself every single day out of habit and has numerous hidden security protocols built in. 

Bucky places some large thick slices of freshly baked bread on a plate next to two heaping bowls of beef stew and bottles of water. He takes some extra time to make a salad of whatever he has on hand at the moment because Steve enjoyed it with dinner and Bucky wasn’t in the mood to hear him passive aggressively whine about it if he didn’t. They all get placed on a tray and he turns his head as Steve leans against the opening between the living room with a small eating space and the kitchen, arms folded over his chest as he watches.

“Move your big dumb frame from there at least. Leavin’ me to dole out this meal.” 

“I asked if you wanted help.” Steve points out but approaches and picks up the tray to take to the table. “Besides, I’m a guest. You’re a lousy host.”

Bucky snorts a laugh as he follows after him, his chest swelling with contentment that he can physically see Steve’s safe. He’s fully aware he can take care of himself but it’s just an added bonus to see him in person whenever possible. “You’re not a guest, you’re a nuisance.” 

They eat in silence together save for the occasional howl of wind trying to sneak inside or the tapping of branches against the pane. Sometimes Nanook leaves the comfort of underneath the table to go look outside and the room fills with the sound of his tags jingling or the scrapes of their spoons hitting the bottom of bowls.

Steve makes occasional hum sounds that seem like they come from the back of his throat and Bucky finds comfort in it. His friend pushing back his chair and stealing their dishes as Bucky takes another bite of bread lathered in too much butter watching him disappear into the tiny kitchen for their seconds without asking and soon he returns to dig right in again.

He watches Steve clean his bowl with a few slices of bread, not satisfied until it’s pristine and Bucky leans back in his chair deciding that now is a good time as any to ask the big question, “Avenging get boring?” 

Regret kicks in immediately after Steve drops his eyes downward exactly like when he doesn’t want to talk about it and his mouth forms a frown. He picks up one of the napkins and wipes his mouth, “I’m kinda tired, Buck. Think I’d like to get some rest.” 

It’s barely past six but Bucky’s close enough to see the dark circles under Steve’s eyes and the way his shoulders have been pulling downwards through his entire visit here.

“Sure pal.” he says and Steve stands up. “You know where everything is if you need a bath or want to wash up.” 

Steve nods automatically and goes to pick up his bowl but Bucky stops him with a hand on his arm, “Go on.”

He gets a sigh in return and Bucky gives him a squeeze, “Steve?”

Eyes look his way.

“I’m really happy you’re here.” 

Steve gives him a weak smile before he disappears down the hall with the dog in tow and Bucky only watches after them in silence before he starts to clear the table.

*****

A few days later Bucky watches Steve and Nanook through the kitchen window while they’re outside in the snow. He itches to use the phone he dubs the ‘Avenger phone’ and call Sam with it. He doesn’t. Instead he focuses back on watching Steve toss a large stick for Nook and he takes off through the heaps of snow to retrieve it happily for him while his tail wags away. Soon enough, despite clumps of snow latched to his coat, he comes back with said stick and waits eagerly for Steve to do it again.

Steve himself looks alright, despite his body language saying otherwise, Bucky knows he has his moments of withdrawing into himself and that only cements his support of his best friend being here.

Steve does sleeps a lot though..

He misses breakfast on most days and heads to bed almost immediately after dinner with Nanook always in tow who has suddenly adopted Steve as his temporary caretaker.

Bucky sometimes has a knee jerk reactionary thought that perhaps Steve is sick with some terminal illness while he’s like this, except reality comes back to him and he can’t really get like that. Plus he eats like no one’s given the man a meal for months whenever food is put forth before him and has started using the environment the best he can with his work out regimen when he does get outside; taking his dog with him while they go on hikes or whatever kind of run Steve manages in this weather and terrain. 

Gradually Bucky also begins noticing Steve in various stages of undress here and there with no regard to if he walks in to find him in nothing but his underwear or sweatpants in the middle of the sitting room because he’s too busy painting or drawing to figure out how pants or even t-shirts work. He starts skipping his shaves, a beard slowly forming while his hair begins growing out a little, it’s curious. When Bucky makes a casual comment about it, Steve only chuckles helplessly but goes back to whatever he was doing like it was never brought up.

Steve only neatens his beard and cleans up his hair, as well as himself, when there’s plans to go on a supply run into an adjacent town and he’s ready to do it instead on his own like he has a quota to fill on his guest dues. Who is Bucky to argue with that stubborn look of insistence on his friend’s face and the probability Steve needed some time out among people that were not him.

He does however quietly wonder if his best friend is finally thinking about retirement while he’s gone into town and all he has for company with that thought is his dog and the snow drifting along outside in quiet delicate swirls.

*****

One day Bucky catches Steve’s face pressed into fur while he and Nanook sat huddled together next to the fire, the dog’s ears perked and his head stayed tipped close towards Steve’s voice like he understood whatever was being said to him.

Later when Steve goes to take a bath, Bucky pets his dog and stares him in the eye, “What did he say to you?”

Nanook only peers back at him, tongue lolling out and his head tilting in question breathing hot air into his face just before moving in closer to give his chin a lick.

It was a good an answer as any that told him to ask Steve himself.

*****

Steve doesn’t tag along with him when he goes out to check on traps he had set and Bucky doesn’t bother to invite him since he seems content with staying in the cabin alone writing in his journals and a sketchbook to work in.

It’s dark and he’s exhausted when he gets home, Steve stretched out on the couch with a Starkpad in hand.

“You’re late. Dinner’s gonna be cold.” He’s informed with a hint of amusement in Steve’s voice, eyes not lifting off whatever shiny thing he’s looking at and Bucky gives the feet sticking out off the couch a gentle squeeze as he walks by to go change. He ignores the fact that he’s wearing Bucky’s favorite pair of woolen socks with grizzly bears on them and one of his beat up hoodies.

After they eat together, lukewarm roast that’s never tasted better, Steve follows him as he begins to climb the stairs to his loft space where he sleeps, one large warm palm pressed comfortingly to his back.

“Wanna make sure you don’t fall over and back down these stairs.” Steve informs. “You’ve had a long day.”

“I can’t even begin to tell you how much of a long day it was.” He admits as he allows Steve to steer his body up each step.

“How was Nanook?”

“Nanook’s a fucking dog, he’s made for that shit.”

Steve laughs and squeezes his shoulder affectionately, “Time for bed then, you’re getting old. You’ll feel better in the morning.” 

The hand at Bucky’s shoulder blade slides slowly down to the middle of his back, Steve’s fingers spread warm and wide like he’s trying to touch as much of him as possible. It lingers there at the small of his back while they walk snug together towards the large expanse of Bucky’s bed and something in him wants to say more, wants Steve to stay touching him like he is. 

Instead, the hand slips away from him despite the feel of Steve’s light tickle of breath at the side of his neck and he distinctly hears the way he swallows heavily by his ear as Bucky stands frozen to the possible and maybe sudden implication over these moves.

“Night, Buck.” Steve says, his voice a little too deep and it’s almost a murmur while Bucky stands in the same spot, still just in front of his bed, too startled and confused over what just seemed to happen to move until long after Steve removes himself from the loft and makes his way back downstairs. There’s a little bit of shuffling before his bedroom door opens and then gently shuts, tucking himself away within it.

The gravity of Steve’s arrival begins to sink in that perhaps it wasn’t so black and white that he only had thoughts of retirement or a bout of feeling down.

Bucky lays awake that night staring at the shadows creep along the walls and never finding a comfortable position to sleep despite always returning to lay out on his back.

There’s always a reason he’s here.

So why hasn’t he told him already?

Steve’s never really been the subtle type and he’s never lingered around him like tonight, touched him the way he did or just shown up without admitting right then or a couple days later that he was tired of something. He just seemed to move in and settle down around Bucky’s life without any complaints instead of showing up for a therapy-like session of forgetting Cap exists and then eventually taking off again to save the world. And the world had called, twice actually, moving on without him at both times.

Thoughts settle back on how Steve's hand was on his back and how he walks around shirtless half the time. How he’s always near without being in his space, even for a small cozy cabin with two supersoldiers. It kind of reminds him of the past, what bits he can remember and bring back to the surface. 

Maybe Steve’s still awake downstairs, reading by lantern. Maybe he's laying out just like he is and watching the darkness move as he barters to try and get some rest.

Maybe thinks about him too.

Bucky’s sure it’s the way he can carry heat like Steve can when he feels too warm all over and kicks off the quilts. For a few minutes it’s better, more comfortable but that sensation that it’s not what he really wants slowly sinks itself in. That’s when he sighs and gives up, allowing eyes to slip closed so it’s easier not to feel bad when his hand ventures down his body and into the front of his sweats. He makes measly excuses in his head the first few tentative touches but the rest of the time everything becomes so perfectly quiet and it's easy to forget where he really is tonight.

*****

Steve’s back in front of the fireplace with an arm around Nanook as he sketches in his book and they curl up together.

Since Bucky’s not completely cut off from modern things, he uses the Stark phone everyone insists he keep on his persons like a tracker of sorts to take a picture, one of many he has and looks back on fondly, some of his place and his dog but too late does he realize they’re mostly of Steve. 

The moment his phone is slipped back into his pants pocket, Steve’s turned his head and is peering his way with those perfect blue eyes Bucky knows are dangerous to get lost in.

“Hey old man.” He lets out casually, approaching the pair and taking the side not covered. He scrutinizes his friend a moment, “Gonna have to start stocking up on all the red plaid from that farm store in town.” 

Steve's brow slowly slips upwards, “And why’s that?”

Bucky tugs at the open flannel shirt encasing tight thick muscles only covered by a flimsy white tank top, “You’re gonna stretch my stuff out in the chest area.” 

Steve looks down at himself and shrugs, “It looked comfortable, it is.”

Bucky nods. He can’t really argue with that logic considering it’s the same reason why he wears them, “Looks good on you.”

Steve smiles and stretches his legs out, this time there's wool socks with little pandas covering his feet and Bucky bites back a snicker at how Steve keeps stealing his damn favorites.

Bucky gives enough of a lull between them where he thinks things are settled down before tilting his head his best friend’s way, “So, what exactly are you doing here this time around?”

Steve’s lips press together, hands coming in to interlock.

“I mean,” Bucky continues before Steve feels cornered, “I love having you here, pal. It’s never a problem when you show up and drop a bag down so you can shut out the world. I’m just confused, you doing okay? I’ve put enough together to know something bigger than usual happened and why you’ve moved in temporarily but come on, talk to me.” 

Steve chews at his lip and hesitates before finally exhaling out as if he’s given up fighting and that makes Bucky worry just slightly. 

“There were these missing kids that got split up from their parents while we were evacuating a district in China, they didn’t speak English but I tried to find their parents. I couldn’t get their expressions of fear and despair out of my head..”

Bucky swallows nervously, holding out for something horrible and sad, except Steve doesn’t _look_ unhappy, he more looks..determined? He’s not entirely sure.

“After trying my best, we finally found someone that could help them out and it ended up the parent’s were frantically looking for them at the safe zone- ”

“Thank God.” Bucky breathes out, relaxing his shoulders and Nanook tilts his head to look up at him before returning to rest on Steve’s thigh. 

Steve nods in agreement, his hand rifling through fur as he watched the flames lick up the logs in the fire.

Bucky stills, a frown etched across his face as he pauses and glances at Steve curiously, “Wait. You were setting me up for some sob story, but those kids got a happy ending. What’s your point?”

Steve squeezes his eyes shut, “I just kept thinking about how they lost everything. Their home was destroyed and they were dirty and miserable but the second they found each other again, they were happy. They were _home_.”

Feeling like he was missing the point and, maybe he was, Bucky rested a hand on Steve’s shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze, “You can still make a home somewhere, Steve. Even if you haven’t found it yet, I just want you to be okay.”

Blue eyes look his way and Bucky stares right back, Steve’s hand coming up to his own shoulder and he wedges his thumb beneath Bucky’s to turn his hand over. “I came home.” 

Bucky watches fingers trace a path across the thin skin of his wrist then along the lines of his palm and he takes in a sharp breath when it sinks in what Steve means.

“You’re my home, Buck. Always have been.”

“Always will be.” He answers back, automatic and very sure, because it’s true.

Steve stares at him like he can’t believe what he just heard despite the glaringly obvious closeness they hold and Bucky leans in to kiss his temple, bowing forward to rest their foreheads together. It’s easy like this, everything’s always been easy with Steve.

“My home runs off to save the world, he comes back when he needs to.” Bucky whispers close between them like it's a secret, head tilted in to trace Steve’s cheekbone with the end of his nose. “He has me, whenever he needs me.”

Steve pulls back and gingerly cups the side of his face just to stare, take it all in like he’s starved for it. It’s so stupidly sweet and fond, calloused fingers catching along rough beard in dire need of a trim and he kisses him soundly on the mouth.

Bucky could feel the urgency in it, the brutal push forward and he’s only caught off guard for a moment before he kisses him back, on and on with almost no need to find air, beyond the awareness of actual time and into a niche where night bleeds off into the day. He can feel that same hand at his cheek sweep along and tuck at the back of his neck and it’s so natural when their lips part and open almost at the same time. Something sparks deep within Bucky at the first slide of tongues and he bites just hard enough at Steve’s bottom lip for him to feel that same shock-like sensation, their beards rubbing into one another and he’d never imagined how much he would love that sensation in itself.

Nanook eventually moves off and bats at Steve’s leg from the apparent lack of attention he’s received since Bucky’s arrival and Bucky feels him laugh against his mouth, perfect and whole. Steve reaches out and strokes his hand through thick dark fur along his back and because Bucky knows his dog is spoiled, he refuses to relinquish the man he’s with but blindly reaches out to give him a consoling pet as well.

They gradually draw back and Steve looks at him, a relieved smile across his face and Bucky can feel both of them being hit with the realization of moving on to the next point in their friendship, the bloom of a relationship.

Bucky thinks of how people have so many expectations of Steve and know his desire to do what’s right in the world and protect them. He thinks of the way Steve shows up to the cabin when he’s at some of his lowest points, even though Bucky knows he expects to be treated like there's nothing wrong because of that reason alone. 

He understands too that there are ways they’ll need to be in public if they do this together, but in private like now, all Steve seems to want is for Bucky to look at him like the way he can remember him which he’s always been doing ever since they found each other again. The one where he doesn’t need to be a superhero, a patriot or even a role model, it’s where the uniform is lost and forgotten when he steps through the door most of the time. 

It’s heavy to drop such a big responsibility off such broad shoulders and sometimes Bucky’s still figuring out how to make sure Steve doesn’t pull back to it before he’s ready just like how he has to do that for himself when he occasionally joins them on missions but at least it’s something they learn to do together.

They move in for another kiss and this time it’s different from their first ones. It’s less confident because they’re both a little uncertain now that they’ve let their heads think about things, a little scared standing on shaky ground and fears arise at the thought of losing one another for good since the only other way to go is down. Steve is the one who pushes first after a moment, kisses harder like he’s challenging Bucky to get over his worries and his as well, always stubborn and bull-headed. 

Bucky only grins and pushes back to do the same because he always does, he’ll always follow him, they always do it together. It’s their way of letting each other know they’re both there, that they have each other’s attention. That they always did, no matter what. 

Because they’ve always loved each other and always will.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I absolutely hc Bucky being into 80's movies and would definitely enjoy the Lost Boys. XD  
> Title is from Lost by VAST.


End file.
